Ranting from Katrina:
Elizabeth isn't sharing her precious health information....she's a brat.

All over the globe,

with appetites whet,

they click on their "Favorites"

and hop on the 'Net.

Not asking for much,

they've settled before...

but it's the same old report

re-reading's a bore.

Well, we know how you feel:

She's improving, yes sir!

We'd love to be miffed...

but it is all about her.

And an update from Erica:
Erica said...
In case anyone is wondering, Liz is doing great. After a rough weekend her numbers starting climbing on Monday. We are on schedule to have her back in NY by early October!Feel free to keep the mail coming up here. Again, it is 4 Franklin St, #1, Medford, MA 02155

Hello World -
This is the Elizabeth/Katrina hybrid. So far, i have not noticed any weird melding symptoms. I'm also not noticing too many chemo symptoms. I got to Ericas house on Saturday. It smelled of cleaning solution and it sparkled. No, really. It hurt my eyes.
One of the first things Erica and I did was sit down and lay out my meds. And oh do I have a lot of meds. I have antibiotics, I have anti nausea, antacids, potasium, magnesium, vitamins, 2 different immunosuppresents, drinks, rinses, pastes and shots. I take 30 pills everyday. I swish, spit or swallow, 4 different liquids and I shoot myself in the leg everynight.
Now, ask me which one of these I dislike the most. I have to drink this awful stuff. I only need to have 5 ml. of it. But I would gladly take 30 more pills a day if I could skip that one drink. Here let me describe it for you. First, you have to shake it. Supposedly this helps it to be a cohesive liquid. (Then explain the lumps!)
OK. I want everyone to think back to 2nd grade. You there? Good. Now I want you to remember art class. The art teacher goes and pulls out the giant containers of paint. She pours the ridiculously thick mass of paint into little containers and hands you a huge paint brush to paint with. You dip the brush into the paint and then glob it on to the paper, trying to push out the lumps with the brush as you paint the petals of a flower. Then you go for the yellow paint. That bright yellow paint that is perfect for a sun. But instead of dipping your brush into it, you drink it. It coats your mouth and then sickeningly slides down your throat. After realizing that you drank the foul tasting paint, you scream and have hysterics until the teacher hands you some water (and/ or calls poison control) But the water doesn't help. The taste is stuck along the insides of your cheeks and has coated the top of your tongue. It ruins your day, and it makes every meal taste awful. You have trouble not gagging and.....Oh. So, you get the picture? You don't need anymore of a description? OK
For the most part, the rest of the week has been uneventful. I had an appointment this morning for blood work and my final round of metho( an immuno suppresent) However, as soon as mom started driving, I started to get nauseas. It was a very long ride in. But as soon as we got to Dana Farber, they got me in for my bloods and then set me up in a private room. My counts came back fine, and the nurse I had an appointment came and met me in the private room. I havn’t been drinking enough, but that is easy enough to remedy.
The final cool thing about Dana? They food you. They feed everyone. In fact, they are food pushers. Mom and I were about 5 minutes from leaving. It was shortly after noon and we were just finishing up some ativan to help with the nausea on the way home. A nurse came by with a giant rolling cart, over flowing with food. She told us it was lunch time and she asked what we wanted. I informed her that I couldn'thave any of the fruit or sandwiches, because of my special diet, but she just reached into the back section for transplant food. Then she and my chemo nurse, proceed to foist sandwich after granola, after cookie after, pretzels at me. They were going to feed mom to, but she declined. It was really very cool.
So, that’s really all I got for now. One final shout out. Thanks to Lisa C for the visit, cookies and mac n’ cheese. (We had it for dinner tonight. It was great) And to everyone who is sending cards…thanks. I love getting mail. I usually get 3 cards a day and Erica and Drew get a flyer. (Most of those cards are from Caroline…she’s a nut)
That’s all for now. I better post this before Katrina drives up here and takes back her stem cells.
-Elizbeth

Final Convention Coverage

Final wrap up of the stem cell convention coverage. This is Charles Fitzpatrick Reporting.

Last night the party fought it out to pick their nominee for the role of Elizabeth’s Stem Cells. On one side we had the incumbent, do-nothing stem cell, which never really seemed to gain any true momentum. Their platform of experience was severely undermined by the fact that during their tenure as Elizabeth’s Stem Cells, they were unable to do the job.
On the other hand we have the upstart and ever-so-hopeful, Katrina’s Stem Cells, who have an excellent track record as being Katrina’s Stem Cells, but have virtually no experience with being Elizabeth’s Stem Cells.

The debates were harsh, the speeches profound but in the end only one group could be called upon to fill the position of Elizabeth’s Stem Cells.

Oh…We are going to cut live to the podium where Elizabeth’s Stem Cells are about to make an announcement.


My fellow cells. Thank you all for you support. It has been a wonderful 30 years, and we have accomplished much together. However, the time has come for us to step down and allow progress to occur. Katrina’s Stem Cells are good people. They have an excellent record of health and prosperity for Katrina. I now ask you all to throw your full weight behind Katrina’s Stem Cells. I offer them my full support and concede to them the role of Elizabeth’s Stem Cells. Please pray that they are up to the job.

Wow, I would say that that concession speech hit all the right notes. I feel that the real change in this convention occurred when Elizabeth, herself, came out in favor of Katrina’s Stem Cells. With such over whelming support, I couldn’t see this going any other way. We’re going to interrupt once again, this time to hear from Katrina’s Stem Cells. Let’s see if they can rally the troops and unite all of the cells with their victory speech.

My fellow stem cells. It is time for us to come together, not as Elizabeth’s or Katrina’s stem cells, but as all Stem Cells, everywhere – united in one common goal to Kill Fred. We have made efforts before, we’ve had grand gestures and major pushes, but this time we will succeed. If you all stand with me, and give me the support I ask we can achieve all of our goals.

To Elizabeth’s Stem Cells I make this promise. While working as your own stem cells we will attack Fred on all fronts. We will teach you how to defend yourself against his malicious ways. We will keep you safe and healthy, and when the job is done, we will leave you to regulate yourselves. It’s our time now. If you give us your support, we will lead you to victory.


I can’t believe it. I think they have actually done it. You should hear the roar of approval coming from the convention center. All of the cells are united behind Katrina’s Stem Cells for the role of Elizabeth’s Stem Cells. It’s incredible. There is so much hope and optimism here that …I’m at a loss for words. Oh wait, here is the unveiling of the new advertising campaign and is that???

Yes, it is the new song that goes with it.

Watch out Fred. We may have started to hurt you with VIPER, but that isn’t anything compared to
HURRICANE KATRINA!

That's all from the convention folks. It's been one exciting ride. Now don't forget to get out there and vote. (LEAVE A COMMENT!)

Katrina here; we're all a little drained (pun intended) but here is a quick update...

At about 7 pm yesterday, Elizabeth received my stem cells rather uneventfully with M & D, Erica, Charlie and me hovering with good vibes. Exhausted, I soon needed to get home to my own bed. Apparently, the next excitement came at about 1 AM when Elizabeth experienced a tension headache--if you know our family, you know these things are debilitating complete with vomitting, etc... There was some confusion about how to treat it, so Elizabeth called the gang: Erica and Drew picked up Mom and brought her to the hospital where they worked the normal magic and by 3:30 Elizabeth was resting and Mom was able to get back to the hotel. Long night after a long day....

I talked to Mom briefly this morning and then she went back to bed. Now we are letting Elizabeth and Mom rest; so try to refrain from calling either of them for the time being---leave your love here. Erica, on the other hand is off to class. These are some strong ladies.

The plan remains as before: providing Elizabeth's doctor feels she is recovering okay, she will be discharged to Erica's Recoup facility on Saturday. More info on the recoup process as it becomes available.

Thanks for all the awesome comments yesterday; it was a marathon of treatment, blogging and support from all around. May God bless you all. We certainly have been.

The debate begins...

After 9 gruelling hours, Katrina and Elizabeth finally met face to face...erm...mask to face. AS the moderator (Elizabeth's new sock monkee puppet - thanks Marta)posed the first question to Katrina; "So, how do you feel?", Elizabeth immediatly jumped in to add "Cause you look like crap!" Revel in the love as the debates begin. Kat is out of the vampiric grip of the blood harvesting machine, and while the Stem Cell Recount has begun (no really, they have to count them, and no, hanging stem cells don't count)we all wait to see when Elizabeth will receive "the Harvest" , probably for dinner at six-ish. We sign off for now to the Katrina singing "Give a little bit of my blood for you" by Supertramp.

More news from the Stem Cell Convention....

Things are going well, and Katrina has spent the last hour sleeping on the job. There was a bit of excitement earlier as they had to clear her line. It turns out if you make your body bleed for 7 hours straight, it will try to close the hole you're bleeding from...who knew? Katrina reminds voters that Elizabeth has attended a church her whole life with a radical Pastor who insists on preacing about hope, love and peace - like that works! We're gonna bomb the cancer! I know, I know.... voters are worried about gas too - so was Katrina who had to share a room with this reporter after he ate Drew's BBQ last night (Hamburgers were sooooo good - why do I eat too many?)

Katrina's stem cell's continue the call for change. 100% of voters in New Orleans have already voted for Elizabeth, though none of them will admit why. It also turns out a bunch of people in Florida who meant to vote for Katrina voted for Elizabeth by accident; Apparently the ballot was confusing. Stay tuned, as we'll be reporting even as the results come in , late into the night...

Stem Cell Convention Coverage continues...(Read first post from today below if you're just tuning in)

We're (Senior Correspondent Mom Bauerlein + Charlie Fitzpatrick) here on the floor with New York Delegate Elizabeth who has woken up and will today accept her party's nomination for stem cells - or at least her sisters donation of them. Spokespeople for the Bauerlein campaign said she was willing to reach across the aisle to work with the Fitzpatrick delegation, even though earlier, Katrina had said that Elizabeth's stem cells lacked in the foreign affairs experience needed to lead her to victory. (Before donating could begin this morning Katrina was required to list every country she's ever visited, causing Marty to be stricken with a handcramp)Elizabeth said that leaving the country once makes her stem cells more than qualified, and offered to put lipstick on them if it would help. (I wanted to know how many foreign affairs my wife had to make her so experiecned, and then realized - no I don't.) Elizabth further went on to say that her "stem cells had supreme executive powers within her own body which makes them the logical choice to assume the role of stem cells in Elizabeth's body." Additionally, she raised the point that "since Katrina's cells have spent so much time in other countries, she may not legally still be able to run for office of Elizabeth's Stem Cells, and may have to settle for the Vice Stem Cell position." We've just had word that Brian Williams has offered to moderate the debate between the stem cells. Coverage will continue throughout the day.

We interupt your regularly scheduled blog for this important Stem Cell Convention Coverage, Charlie Fitzpatrick reporting.

So, assuming Elizabeth's millions of minions are anxiously awaiting word, and both of our blogging beauties - not to be confused with bathing beauties - are hospitalized, I thought I'd post for them. Katrina has now officially been assimilated by The Borg (have a Star Trek person explain it to you). It turns out resistance really is futile. Her blood is being piped out of her and into a machine that looks like a map of the Boston T. Once there, it's being spun around like the ingredients of Elizabeth's favorite Margarita. As the Stem Cells (Go Fightin Stem Cell's!) are seperated, her blood gets sent through a "Hot Line" which heats her blood up before returning it to her body through a series of tubes, not unlike the ones that our President thinks run 'the internets'. Nurse Marty has been awesome, and even brought us "The Machine That Goes Ping". Katrina has one good hand, which she is texting furiously with, and so stand things here at the Kraft center. More to come as it happens....

Oh - you wanna hear about Elizabeth too? We'll have our field reporters (Mom and Dad Bauerlein) report in as soon as we can establish a link. (Which means Elizabeth is still sleeping)

It's all about us.

Mom is massaging Elizabeth's aching ankles, I've got the recliner and Elizabeth is managing to keep the pizza she just ate down, so we're calling this visit a win.

My pelvis hurts. Could be because there are millions more stem cells than should be in there. Elizabeth told the nurse she could throw out mom if she gets out of line, but that she had to be nice to me--I figure I have until the harvest on Thursday to remain unconditionally in her good graces. After that I'll have to start trying again.

On Sunday, I had my first injections and tutorial to "Do It Yourself." Erica kept me company while I was waiting quite anxiously for my hormone injection lesson, while Carol and Marta visited Elizabeth..thank God for sisters. Since then, I have been shooting up every morning. Caroline sent an email. It made me laugh. Thought I'd share:

Top 6 songs to sing while getting injections:
6) Who Shot Ya by Notorious BIG
5) Big Shot by Billy Joel
4) Shot in the Dark by Ozzy Osbourne
3) Shot through the Heart (or whatever body part) by Bon Jovi
2) Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar

and the number 1 song:
1) I Shot the Sheriff (or the person who is injecting me) by Bob Marley.

Unfortunately, I'm the one injecting me, so shooting myself just results in more injections, but the sentiment is certainly appreciated. In the grand scheme of things, the injections are really not that painful. It's the throbbing ache in every bone of my body that is making things rather uncomfortable. I can sense relief just around the corner...Thursday, 7 AM.... The nurse says if I am feeling up to it, I may be able to come see my stem cells get infused into Elizabeth after the harvest...it will be my last opportunity to give those little suckers a pep talk before they get to work, so I will see what I can do.

So the theme for the day: Songs relating to injections/shooting up. Enjoy, you addicts.

And today's shout out is to those of you leaving comments--it's helping the group up here from feeling so isolated from the group down there (or where ever you are!) So thanks guys! You ROCK!

Call
DON’T FALL!

If she’s the one who can’t deal with germs, how come we have to wear the masks and gloves!?!?! (We warn you in advance, this may not be as funny for you as it is for us; could be because we’ve been re-breathing our own carbon dioxide for over an hour.)

Erica, Marta, Carol and Katrina here; We’re visiting Elizabeth in the AAM Suite (All About Me). In 20 hours, she’s managed to squirrel away milk, peaches, some yoghurt and THREE Stewarts Black Cherry Sodas…and she has an order in for some Ben & Jerry’s (the fridge has a tiny freezer). And do you know she gets room service here? With sirloin beef tips? And Texas French Toast with real maple syrup? And (someone hold Dad back) ice cream sodas?! To which Carol says, “Are you limited to 3 meals a day?”

So Elizabeth just gave Erica this huge Cheshire cat grin and Erica returned it…except you couldn’t see it through the mask. So Erica told her, “I know you can’t see it, but I swear I’m smiling!!”….10 minute later we had this:



Not to be confused with this:




At this time, we’d like to give a couple of shout-outs to some special people; First off, to Pastor. Elizabeth wants to make sure that everyone appreciates his unique humor. (Ian can you pass me the milk?) Next, we’d like to recognize Katie, the nurse on duty who brought us a red Sharpie and some extra masks. We like Katie; she’s like an honorary sister—like it or not. (She also took our picture.) Finally, a shout out to an Overachieving Hallmark Supporter; Elizabeth received her first funny get-well card today from Caroline McDonough. So get with the program people; right now, Elizabeth has a bulletin board with 1 card, 8 push-pins and 2 lips-embellished face masks…frankly, it’s a little off-putting.

Okay, now we have to go; Carol has the smallest bladder known to man, and we aren’t allowed to use Elizabeth’s bathroom….so before she pops and causes a sanitary crisis, we need to stop laughing and get her to a public toilette. Leave some love.

FROM ELIZABETH:
In case you're curious, the other two face masks are located on my mini-fridge and one on my nurse’s board.

That time of year

It is once again that time of year.
Children everywhere are setting their alarm clocks and eagerly awaiting that first BEEEEEP!

Teachers are excitedly setting up their classrooms, getting ready for the bright and eager learners who will soon file in.

Parents are doing last minute shopping to replace last years "uncool" backpack with this years model, so that their delightful cherub will look appropriate.

That's right. It's back to school.
...for everyone else!

Since I don't have my own classroom to prepare for this year, I have decided to make fun of those who do. So, to all of my teacher friends, student friends and parent friends, na na na.

On to other news. I am currently in Boston. I left on Sunday so that I could attend my sister Erica's first house party out of her new apartment in Boston. She and Drew have a back yard. It's actually big and, if you ignore the eye sore of a collapsing shed, pretty nice. They had a great BBQ and then it was back to the real world for them as well. Erica just started her Grad program and has (shudders) homework. So, I got to make fun of her as well. (Awww. Who has to do reading for class?)

Mom is driving up with the rest of my stuff on Thursday, along with a couch for Erica and Drew...I think. And then I go into the hospital on Friday. Katrina, Carol, and Marta will all be along on Saturday.

In the mean time, I've been sleeping late and exploring the area. There is a park just North of Erica. It's a lot of walking and biking routes, which won't do me much good after the transplant, but we did find one nice area that is on a hill over looking the lake, with a cleared area and picnic tables. I think that will work very well for sketching, or writing, or painting, post transplant.

As far as medical stuff that recently happened? I had a PET Scan and a bone marrow biopsy last Thursday. The PET showed even further improvement. But I don't have exact numbers. I was a little distracted at the time do to the GIANT NEEDLE being shoved into my hip bone. You know. When I read over what I wrote last time about the bone marrow biopsy, I some time wonder if I didn't, maybe, exaggerate. But, Nope! It really is that f*%#ing painful. I was limping around for 3 days. And I still can't sit to long in the same position before it starts to twinge.

Finally, before I end this post, I would like to send one final back to school shout out to one of my minions. He gets the "goes to extreme to avoid the first day of High School Award". This particular minion had surgery last week. It looked originally to be appendicitis, but instead he had surgery to repair damage to his intestines.

Now Ian, I can see "accidentally" swallowing one magnet, sort of....but two? Not even I could pull that off.

He is going to be out of commission for awhile, and as such will be missing the first week of 9th grade. So, everyone send a shout out to Ian. Or feel free to make fun of him and mock him mercilessly. I know I have.

That's all for now, I'll see if I can get an update out on Saturday.
-Elizabeth