Don't hate me...but I'm not sorry.
So...I lied. All is not as well as I led you to believe. I'm a horrible selfish person. I was going away for the weekend and I wanted to feel ...healthy. Even if it is an illusion.
So, the real story. I have what my doctor is calling "glow worms". Two of them. They are hot spots that showed up on my PET scan. Once again...this doesn't necesarily mean it's cancer. However, one of them is glowing more than it did at my last PET. That is the problem "glow worm"... ... I have named him Bob. Bob could be other things, it could be the fungus. Which isn't as prevelent as I made it sound, but Bob could be one. Or something else entirely. We don't know. And we wont know with out a biopsy. So, in 6 weeks...more like 5 weeks now.... I will be going back for another CT scan. If the lymph node grows then they will send me for a chest biopsy. We'll wait and see till then.
The results are still inconclusive, we've just stepped up the worry level a little. I would have posted this originally, but I wanted this last weekend before I started my 6 weeks of panic. Letting it out would have made me think about it. My sisters didn't even know. I told them before we got home. I'm not sure they are talking to me. I can't say that I'm sorry...cause I'm not. I didn't do this to make sure they had a pleasant, unruined weekend...I did it for me. I'm selfish that way.
And I really did have a great weekend. Shopping, dinner out, games, tennis, massage, and rock wall climbing. I can't give you anymore details than that. It was a girls weekend out and what happened in Cape Cod stays in Cape Cod. Ok. Back to class.
I'm sorry for the confusion even if I'm not sorry for the lie.
-Elizabeth
posted by ejbauerlein @ 6:00 PM
9 comments
9 Comments:
Hey, girl, selfish is awright...
We'll keep a'prayin...
CAN I JUST SAY..... SHIT!!!!! (SORRY) OK THAT'S DONE , NOW ON WITH THE FIGHT.... WILL BROWNIES HELP? XOOX KS
Hi Elizabeth: I'm sorry to hear that the health shadow is still hanging over your head, and you'll go through this period of uncertainty until the next CT scan. We'll be praying for good results then. How come the tumor and now the glow worm are named after men? With hurricanes, they alternate between women and men's names, you know. (i.e. Hurricane Katrina). As for your trip to Cape Cod, I've got to admit that I never thought of Cape Cod and Las Vegas in the same breath. Viva, Cape Cod!? I enjoyed reading your posts about going to Fahnestock and getting up early (how early is early? isn't that a relative term?) for your mom's birthday breakfast. I hope you can keep doing all those kinds of stuff without being weighed down with worry. I know that's easier said than done, but that's our hope for you.
Dear Elizabeth,
It is called love with displaced anger attached. Your family and friends do not want you to carry this burden alone. You learned a good lesson for the future and I am sure it won't happen again. Continue to be open and honest and that part of the trust will return. They don't know how to help you so the praying for you and communicating are their ways to help. For a moment you had taken the help away.
Anger is a secondary emotion..the primary emotions are jealousy or feelings hurt. I don't believe they were jealous of the worms so it must be feelings hurt. Trust them and they will trust you again. No offense but have you ever been "normal"?
Move on, accept why they are mad and don't beat yourself up about it. It is over. You can't change the past but you can change the future. Sing proudly at church on Sunday and smile at them with your eyes, soul and heart. They love you more than life itself-but of course it does not compare to God's love for you. He knows everything. He is the only one that knows what is going on inside your body. Trust Him, also.
I think you need to go see the movie "How to Eat Fried Worms"
I'm sorry that you have to be scared about your health again, but you have nothing but positive energy headed your way. You will be fine. Hang in there!
Love & Hugs
Hi Sunshine! What ever Bob is you can kick his but. And be as shelfish as you want (at least until your family beats it out of you)
Love you
Lisa
hi it was great putting the name to a face i know it is hard to blogg most of the time but me and others just want to see how you are doing because we care. we care about you and your family and we keep you in ours prayers keep the faith and god will protect you sue h
Hi Elizabeth: We're thinking of you.
Hi Elizabeth, You have been on our mind,and we hope your doing OK. We know that your CT scan is coming up soon, and just wanted to let you know our thoughts and prayers are with you.Love,Mr.&Mrs Fitz Sr.
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