So...Chemo sucks.

I know I haven't written in a bit, but I was debating with myself. To tell you all the truth or not? In the end, I'm still a very selfish person and this is my blog. I am going to be writing about not so pleasant effects of chemo, mostly for my own record. However, consider yourself forwarned now. I don't know how funny this installment is going to be. I don't even know how long it is going to be, considering how tired I am. I think I will probably just write until my sleeping pill kicks in. Don't be surprised if some of this comes out fuzzy sounding.

The weekend was wonderful. Contrary to the picture I did not hit a tree skiing. However, I did only make it down one run. About half way through, my body made it perfectly clear that it had stopped listening to me. On top of that, the snow was a little too slushy and pulling my self along with my poles was putting serious strain on my port. (More visions of Elizabeth popping a leak, this time on top of a mountain in vermont) Even the ride up in the lift left me queezy. In the end, I'm glad I made the attempt, but I am so very much paying for it now. My body aches from muscles that weren't supposed to be used and my chest feels tight when I breath in because of the strain from pulling on my poles. (Aren't you all glad that you tuned in to hear this?)

As if this wasn't bad enough, I woke up Sunday morning with my first, honest to God, nausea bought. That was less than pleasant. It lasted for maybe an hour, and then I moved on. Lots of napping, watched a movie with the family. Acted really tired so that the rest of the gang would pack up my stuff for me and I wouldn't have to move. (Well, actually, I was too tired to pack up my own stuff. But I prefer to let my acting prowess take credit for this little coup.) Quite a bit of my day was spent trying not to be in pain. For some strange reason, (wait, chemo, I remember) every single bone in my body is aching. I think I mentioned in an earlier blog, that I've had hangovers worse than this. And that still holds true, however the hangovers eventually went away and this seems to be determined to stick around. To top it all off, the doctors only give you a limited supply of the pills that counteract the effects of the chemo. So, once the anti-nausea pills were gone, I was nauseous.

And as for my engery levels. Ha. What energy levels. I wake up in the morning (7:00 on the dot) feeling horrible. I usually ask who ever is around exactly why it is that I just can't throw up and get it over with. They usually tell me to shut up and eat some toast. Then hold my hand while I suffer. (That was not actually meant to sound bitchy. I am actually releaved that some is willing to hold my hand when all I want to do is hurl on them) Once this passes and I can hold down food, they force my morning pills on me. (Cause hey, why not tempt fate while we're at it.) For the past few days the morning pills have included 5 rather large prednisone. 5 rather large, ill-tasting prednisone. That non-the-less left me with energy.( they are a steriod afterall) However, today is the fist day off the prednisone. That's it. I'm wiped. I've got NOTHING. No energy to even think about how little energy I have. ( And yet I still have enough to whine to you guys. Interesting, that. ) I had plans of all the things that I would get done in the off-week from chemo. Especially now that I have no classes to go to. But, I'm starting to realize that there is a reason I'm not going to classes. I can't make it throw a TV show with out nodding off, much less a three hour class. (Just so we're clear. TV has never been a problem for me. I could space out for hours. Now, it just hurts my head)

My plans are so on hold, its ridiculous. And here's the thing. I knew what to expect. I knew that this was going to kick my butt. And yet still it doesn't even remotely prepare me for the reality of it. I'm pretty sure that if mom weren't here this morning, I just would have rolled over, thrown up in the trash and fallen back to sleep. (Nice visual, huh?) The worst part is that I think ...I know.. that the reason I don't want to stop writing right now, is because then I have to go to sleep. Then, I have to do the whole thing over again. I can't even think about doing the whole thing over again. It hurts to even contemplate it. ( Wow, can I whine or what?) Of course now that I have figured out why I am writing so much, I also realize that I am being a bit of a coward. I'm using all of you to avoid sleep. Good job. You are serving your purpose well. On that note, I will rap up this less than humorus blog with some parting thoughts.
One - to my family. Don't think that Vermont was horrible for me. I loved it. I couldn't think of a better way to spend my first week of chemo, than some place I love with the people I love. It was great. (Not too mushy, right?)
Two - to those who have been checking the blog constantly and have been disapointed for lack of posting. Here. Now stop calling. I'm still alive and you can have your fix. (Once again, not meant to sound bitchy, but everything seems to be coming out that way... huh.)
Three - Karen. Thank you for the brownies and for Margarita, I love her. It was a wonderful surprise that lightened up my day.
Four - To those new posters in the comments gallery that I didn't acknowledge over the weekend, "Welcome to my blog, and shut the door behind you so as to not let out the crazies." It's wonderful hearing from all of you. Paul and Gerri, I'm glad you found the site, and I'm sorry I'm a scummy sister who never called back. (although i think i have a pretty decent "get out of jail free" card) It was great hearing from everyone, Liz Press(or is it Elizabeth), Jennifer, Kathy, Leon, Carolyn, Sara, Scott and Michelle (followed by Lisa. Ahh. I love sibling rivalry.) And Allison, it was great hearing from you, although now people may have an idea about my slightly nefarious, criminal past. (I still have the flashing lights.)
I'm about to get mushy, so watch out. Just knowing that there are so many people out there who care about me is amazing. But to have you all take the time to send a note is nothing short of a miracle for me. Each one makes me feel a little more loved. Now, if you can't tell how tired I am from that little wax-poetic, than I don't know what kind of clues I can give to drive the point home.
Ok. I think that I have wasted about as much time as I can with this. I need to sleep. I'll try to be more amusing tomorow. I should at least be in better spirits with out the prednisone withdrawl. Talk to you all later. -Elizabeth